People and Things
by La-La-Lion809
Summary: A collection of song-based stories related to Sirius and Remus and their ability to hurt one another. Predominantly over tea.
1. Tonight You Belong to Me

**A/N-** Based on The Birds and the Bees version of "Tonight, You Belong to Me"

**Tonight, You Belong to Me**

"_I Know, I know you belong  
>To somebody new<br>But tonight, you belong to me"_

Remus would never admit it, but he hates to see him out in the courtyard.

It's a common occurrence, one that Remus should be thoroughly used to, and to a certain degree, he is. Still, when his eyes flicker out to the courtyard as he rushes between his classes, his eyes can't help but dash out for a split second and land on the tall and lean figure of Sirius Black - his now man like hands up the back of some girls shirt. She could be Hufflepuff one day, Ravenclaw the next, pretty with no figure one moment, plain and curvy a second later. She's always changing, and Sirius seems to like it that way.

Remus hates the feelings that well up inside him as he catches the scene, it isn't normal. Not these feelings. He's aware of it because Remus is smart, and smart Remus knows how incredibly stupid it is to feel anything towards Sirius Black: the 17 year old boy - _Man_ - who has his own flat and flying motor-bike. He's the essence of cool and Remus wants desperately to hate him. Though they've been mates for years, so it really isn't all that possible.

Their eyes clash for a brief moment as Remus does his usual glance. Cold grey meets amber for a moment and Remus feels his throat swell up and his face heat up into what will most likely be a most magnificent shade of red. Remus looks away quickly, he tightens his grip on his books, and he turns the nearest corner in an effort to hide himself away from Sirius's eyes.

Once Remus gets to class, his heart thumps something awful in his chest and his hands shake as he gets out his quill and wand. "Having trouble there, Lupin?" Remus takes a careful glance over his shoulder to see Snape looking at him with beady know-it-all eyes. Remus can only imagine that Snape thinks his problems come from the moon, but Remus would much prefer that Snape think that over the truth with Remus's current conundrum of liking his best mate.

"Fine, thanks," he replies coolly before looking ahead once more as class begins. It's not that he likes Sirius, well, _really_ likes Sirius, because after all, they're both men and men don't like other men unless they're enormous poufs - something Remus certainly is _not_. He's seen poufs at Hogwarts before. Like a total of three. He's also seen them on the streets of London and Remus is quite certain that he is absolutely nothing like them. They have lisps and wear weird flashy muggle clothing and flounce around and Remus is not like that. He likes girls.

Well, he _would_ if he wasn't entirely scared shitless by the idea of caring for a girl, because girls are delicate, and girls do not like monsters like Remus. Though Sirius likes monsters like Remus. He likes to tumble around and he isn't afraid of getting bitten and when he's there, Remus doesn't hurt himself by accident.

So Remus has come to the conclusion that he likes Sirius out of comfort. Sirius is comfortable around Remus, therefore Remus is comfortable with Sirius. He likes Sirius because liking Sirius is slightly less troublesome. Though if he likes Sirius just because it's easier, why doesn't he like Peter? Or more likely, James? Is it because Peter is a slob and James is all gaga for Lilly? Though even if James likes Lilly, it wouldn't be much of a hindrance, because Sirius likes women in general, yet Remus still likes him.

Remus's eyes focus on his blank parchment and he realizes (dear God!) that he hasn't scribbled down a single note on the history of the Goblin and Elf war of 1510 and Oh blimey. Remus shakes his head and blinks his eyes a few times. He decides once and for all that none of that matters and that he doesn't like Peter because he's utterly clumsy and smells funny, and James has been head over heels in love for Evans for years and due to this, Remus simply never felt the need to like his other pal and that Sirius was, overall, the easiest person to like.

Having come to this conclusion, Remus feels himself relax and the words of his professor wash over him. He dips in his quill and begins to write.

"_Although, although we're apart  
>You're part of my heart<br>And tonight you belong to me"_

Remus slips back into his room in the Gryffindor corridor, and he doesn't even shut the door all the way before he feels a large force push against his body and throw him to the ground. "Grahd!" he says in some mixture of words and James and Sirius swallow his sound with their boyish laughter. They struggle with him as they take turns wrestling with him. They are a mass of ligaments and bones and skin against skin and despite his previous slump, Remus starts laughing.

Peter is snoring in his bed when the three boys slam into it and startle him into wakefulness, and Peter, catching on to what's happening, jumps on top of the entanglement. Elbows smack into Remus's temple and he feels his fingers get shoved into quite a few mouths and he thinks about how he'll need acid to clean it and before long all the boys tucker themselves out until they're a massive heap of nothing on their room's floor. They breathe together as one. No one says a word.

"Hey," Sirius says, because of course he's be the one to break the silence, "See that bird today, Moony? Quite the looker, eh?" Remus swallows the lump in his throat because he was prepared for this because for whatever reason this always gets talked about in Remus's presence.

"Er-yeah." he says in a strangled voice and he feels Sirius's head tickle his stomach as the other boy looks towards him.

"Is the bastard lying, Moony?" James questions in excitement and Remus feels him shift and Remus gets shoved upward and soon all the boys are sitting up. "I knew it! I knew a bloke with as ugly a mug as Sirius's couldn't get so many babes!"

"Hey! I'll have you know that this 'ugly mug' has gotten into the skirts of over half the sixth and seven year girls!" Sirius loves to boast this fact and it makes Remus's stomach go all wonky for a few seconds. This time it doesn't go wonky because Remus is much too tired for that. "Tell 'im, Moony!"

"Yes, she was pretty." Remus replies quickly just so this conversation can end. He scratches the back of his neck were an undesirable itch has reached him and he wants to scratch, scratch, scratch. He looks outside and the sun is close to setting. Peter gets up.

"I don't know about you gents, but I'm getting some grub."

"Now that must be the most brilliant idea you've come up with, worm tail." Peter grins goofily and Sirius bends down to ruffle his hair. James gets up and offers Remus his hand, which Remus takes. The taller boy tugs him up.

"How ya feeling, Moony?" he breathes quiet just for the two of them to hear.

"Bones wear a bit, but it's the same as usual before a full moon hits." it was, to be exact, three days from now, and Remus felt an unquenchable thirst hit him right around this time every month. James claps him on the shoulder, gives it a squeeze, and drops his hand. Sirius's gangly arm drapes over the spot shortly after and he digs his nose into Remus's head. He nuzzles it and Remus has Goosebumps. This is, however, the norm.

They went to the Great Hall and had a great feast where Remus got greatly filled. The other three Marauders discussed plans of finishing off a bottle of fire whiskey and maybe they could snag some butter beer by sneaking out of Hogwarts, but Remus told them he would be in the library instead.

"_Lay down by the stream  
>How sweet it will seem<br>Once more just to dream  
>In the moonlight"<em>

Remus finds himself peering at the shrieking shack from behind the wooden posts. Unruly grass sways around ankle high, and a nearby stream can be heard babbling. Remus's hands grips around the post and he thinks for a moment about going in. He should have been at the library.

There is no library, however, because Remus has somehow been sent on a butter beer run. The fire whiskey had done hardly a thing to get any of the boys anywhere remotely near sloshed and James and Sirius were not having it. They were going to have Peter do the run, they had said, but then Sirius had remembered that Remus "owed him one". For what that "one" was, neither party knew, but they weren't about to split hairs over the matter.

The Shrieking Shack had, in the end, grabbed Remus's attention. He hates seeing the decrepit place almost as much as he hates being in it during the full moon (but maybe not quite that extreme). His teeth grit together and he places a calloused hand lightly on his throat. The thirst is particularly terrible at night, and heat flashes override his systems.

Remus understands it is the animal side of him trying to tell him something, perhaps of mating or killing. Remus doesn't have a clue, and he doesn't plan on figuring out what it is.

"Ey!" Remus's finger twitch on the wooden posts, and slowly he turns to face the voice. Sirius is there, looking at him peculiarly. "Whotcher, mate?"

"Oh, uh," Remus sputters. He hates not being able to speak. Sirius pulls the Marauders map from his pocket and shakes the closed document all about the place. Remus watches it with a steady gaze.

"You didn't move much once you got out. We got worried that the Mickey caught ya." of course, Sirius was referring to Minerva.

"Sorry,"

"What's got you so glum?" Sirius moves closer to Remus, and Remus takes a step back. Sirius raises an eyebrow in question to the actions. Remus coughed.

"Glum?" he finally comes back with. Sirius side steps Remus and sits on the post. Remus leans against it before awkwardly getting on.

"Since today, in the courtyard. I saw you looking and Jesus, Moony, did you look pathetic." Remus swallows, but stays silent. He keeps his gaze straight, Sirius groans, "I didn't get your bird, right?" Remus looks over at him, surprised. "Ah, Moony, I'm sorry! If you like a girl, you gotta let me know ahead of time so I won't snatch her up." he gives Remus a pat on the shoulder, "James and Peter know."

"Oh,"

"You aren't mad?"

"I'm not mad."

"Why do you look mad?"

"I don't." Sirius rubs his nose against Remus's neck and Remus feels Sirius's shaggy black hair brush against his skin.

"Don't be mad, Rem. I'm sorry." Remus scoffs and looks away from his friend.

"You're insufferable, Padfoot."

"I know you always tell me to keep it in my pants, but sometimes I can't help myself, you know?"

Remus swallows, "I know." the two go quiet and Sirius's nose stays against Remus's neck.

"I never thought you'd ever like a bird." Sirius chuckles and the vibrations travel up Remus's neck, "I mean, you never once mentioned liking a bird, and we're already half way in our 7th year."

"I don't."

"Hm?"

"I don't like a bird."

"Fine then," Sirius replies dryly, "A lady."

"Not that either." Remus wants to pretend for a moment that tomorrow he can chalk it all up to being tipsy on Fire Whiskey. His throat burns and his pockets are filled with money for Butter Beer.

Sirius moves his body closer and his face soon appears in front of Remus's. "Wotcher?" he asks in a goofy tone. Remus smiles.

"You'd cry."

"I doubt it."

"You'd beat me bloody."

"Possible."

"You would hate me." this time Remus gets a little quieter, "It just hurts so much sometimes." he was referring to the itch in his throat that needed to be scratched till it bled, he talked about the aching in his bones that feasted on famine. He was talking about rejecting basic need.

He was talking about being in love with a total wanker.

Suddenly Sirius gets much closer and Remus can smell his terrible breath mixed with alcohol and cigarettes. "I would never hate you, Moony." he says very seriously.

So Remus kisses him.

A few moments pass as the two fight for dominance. Sirius pulls away once to push Remus off, but a fire ignites in Remus's stomach and a his throat is less scratchy so he goes and swallows Sirius's voice. Sirius grabs Remus's chin and appears to struggle with an inner battle resting in his stomach between wanting and not wanting Remus. Finally, it is settled when his hand creeps to the back of Remus's head and he tugs Remus closer and the two lose balance and topple over the side of the wooden posts, closer now to the shack.

They both let out a groan of pain, look at each other, and begin to laugh. No awkward moments pass as they settle to sniffles and then silence. They stare at each other, grey with amber.

"It was me?"

"Yes."

"You fancy me?"

"Yes."

"I've never done it with a bloke before." he pauses after this and asks, "Are you a pouf?"

"What?"

"I mean, do you usually fancy guys?"

"No," Remus swallows, "Definitely not."

"I don't even know how two men shag."

"I do," Remus swallows. He's a liar, "I only tried it once."

Sirius smiles, "Alright,"

And the two go back to kissing.

They are hidden in long blades of grass and the darkness huddles over them like a blanket. They both lay on their sides in scratchy, itchy blades of grass that cover them and Sirius's hands go from Remus's head to the bottom of his shirt. They snake under the fabric and Remus lets out a shaky breath because this is happening. He is not musing how these fingers would feel, because right now he can feel their calloused grip as they start drawing lines on his stomach which is toned and not at all girly.

He busies his attention with Sirius's neck. He latches on with nips and light sucking and he hopes he can leave behind something because maybe a girl will notice and think he's been claimed. Sirius has never let girls leave hickeys. "It feels odd - like a flat chested girl." Sirius muses in a breathy voice that Remus has always wanted to hear. Sirius's hand is latched onto Remus's chest and his finger moves over Remus's nipple. It doesn't feel bad, just not anything spectacular.

Remus doesn't say anything in reply to Sirius because he freaks out a little bit. He decided that if this is happening, it's going to happen all the way. Without trying to think much, he sticks his hands past the robes and the tucked in buttoned shirt until his fingers dip against smooth skin and wiry pubic hair. His fingers drag across it and he feels the tip of Sirius's penis and _thank god _he's hard. Remus swallows and tries to remember how guys jack off.

Sirius growls a little bit once Remus gets the hang of it. By this point, Remus's shirt has gotten tugged off of him and now acts as a mini blanket to cover the ground. After a few more minutes, both are extremely nude and looking at each other as they gasp for air.

"What now?"

"Hu-buh-whu?" replies Remus and he hopes to God that Sirius will find it cute and endearing and just so in the moment rather than panicked.

"You're the one who's done it with a man, aren't you? What now?" he looks down at Remus's crotch, seems to get a little weary, and looks Remus in the eyes again. "I mean, you don't have a pussy, do you?" his hand slinks to where his eyes were before and Remus shudders.

Remus has never done it with a man. He's read a book on it once when he first started getting "urges" and it helped him understand enough, but he doesn't know any special sex spells, or if there even is such a thing as a special sex spell because Hogwarts doesn't teach that and he is much too meek to go to some of the shops necessary to find a book like that.

So instead, he gathers a breath and smiles at Sirius, "Don't worry." Sirius goes to speak, but Remus lowers his mouth and soon, Sirius isn't speaking at all.

"Blimey," Sirius mutters, Remus hears it, and he tries not to smile. "Good as a bird - uh, teeth, careful -"

"Sorry," Remus tries to say, only, he doesn't know how to talk with his mouth full, so it comes out muffled.

"Like I - ah - said: Like a, uh, yeah, right there, Moony - Like a bird." Remus doesn't really know what part of him is like a woman, he just hopes it's enough to make Sirius like him.

Finally, he pulls away and he gets on his back and Sirius moves with him. He looks at Remus for a few seconds as he tries to figure out what the next step is. His face get a little red as he figures out what goes where, but he figures it out nonetheless. He places his hands on the back of Remus's thighs and pushes up on them. Remus bounds them closer to his body with his arms and Sirius positions himself before he pushes in.

Remus cuts back a scream as he feels himself tear. He didn't prepare himself properly like the books said to because it was embarrassing, so now all he has between him and Sirius's penis is spit, and spit doesn't cut it. Remus's eyes close tight as Sirius thrusts in and out of him. His breath bates across Remus's neck and Remus brings his mouth to bare skin and sucks.

Sirius doesn't say a thing about hickeys. Just grunts and holds Remus closer.

"_My honey, I know, I know  
><em>_With the dark that you'll be gone  
><em>_But tonight you belong to me"_

Remus groans, rubs his eyes, and takes a few minutes to allow himself even breaths. Finally, he opens his eyes to see the cracked wood of the Shrieking Shack's ceiling looking back on him. He lets out a puff of air and lets his mind run through the usual coarse of the day before.

After his tryst in the fields, Sirius had somehow gotten them into the shack, where they had made a repeat offense. Breath on breath, words meshed, and at some point Remus had gone off about love, though Sirius never seemed bothered by it and had, instead, made a point to show how much it didn't bother him. Though now Sirius was gone, and Remus suspected that once he had gone to sleep on the broken bed the previous night, Sirius slipped out.

Remus tries not to get angry about it, and he doesn't. He tells himself that logically, Sirius is not a one person kind of guy, and for him to even sleep with another man is good enough. It must have meant that Sirius cared for him somehow, and that should be enough, and it was. Remus had gotten his dream, and so there was no need to feel sad about it at all.

Yet he still can't help but cover his face and let out a strangled cry.

"_Lay down way down along the stream  
>How very, very sweet it will seem<br>Once more just to dream  
>In the silvery moonlight"<em>

There is no discussion over the tea Remus brewed. Only deadened slurps and the occasional murmur to blow away the steam of the piping hot cup. Sirius, ragged, yet freshly clean and shaven, keeps his fingers circling the cups rim. Remus examines him, yet every time he senses Sirius about to look up, he directs his gaze elsewhere.

"Moony,"

"Hmm?"

"Do you not want me here?" Remus looks over at Sirius now to see his friend look very downtrodden, and Remus, for a moment, feels his anxiety let up and instead he feels guilty.

"It's not like that,"

"I know Dumbledore requested I stay here, but if it's too much…"

"Too much for who?" Sirius doesn't reply and Remus returns to his cup. For years, he's been chocking down his feelings, and just because Sirius appeared out of the blue after so many months doesn't mean Remus has to be weak. Besides, there was a dead boy now, and Voldemort had returned, and emotions, Remus decides, are no longer an option.

"You know what I mean."

"Dumbledore requested it, and I'll do whatever Dumbledore asks. If he thinks you being here is a good idea, than I have no right to object." he sips his tea again as if to finalize the discussion.

For years up until James and Lilly's demise, Sirius and Remus never once breathed a word of their entanglement, and Remus had gone from being unable to look Sirius in the eyes to being okay to call him just a friend again. Only, it was a friend whose body was engraved in Remus's mind, but a friend none-the-less.

Once Sirius had been taken to Azkaban, Remus couldn't help but feel slightly elated at this. Now he felt that, as much as he could hardly believe Sirius to betray his best friend - he had a valid reason to hate Sirius Black. And so it festered.

Though when Sirius was in front of him again, Remus's feelings were once more like a can of worms that had been ripped open and spewed everywhere. Once again, looking at Sirius was painful and embarrassing. He wasn't a kid anymore, but those kid feelings, he feared, would never go away.

"I'm sorry," Sirius says to break the silence and Remus looks at him again, and he holds on to the tea cup to make sure it doesn't splatter everywhere.

"What?" Sirius - if it's even possible - looks ready to cry.

"I, look, Moony, I - ugh, damn it!" he slams his fist on the table and the chipped teapot in the middle of it, quivers. Remus stays silent, "Don't hate me," Sirius finally gets out, and he looks at the table.

"Hate you?"

"You hate me. You've always hated me, after…" he pauses and doesn't finish, but he doesn't need to.

"I have never hated you, Padfoot." he adds the nickname just to lighten the mood.

"You never looked at me again after that." Remus tries not to show his emotions on the matter, "You're doing it now." Remus looks at him to try to disprove Sirius's point, but the wind is knocked from his throat.

This isn't the same Sirius he knew. Not the same boisterous, good-looking man he always wanted to hold. He's broken, and thin, and almost scared looking, yet he somehow is still gorgeous, and Remus is terrified to realize that maybe he still loves Sirius.

"It's not like that." he covers his face with his hand, "You hurt me then, terribly." he shakes his head, "You should have just turned me down instead of doing that."

"I wanted to make you happy." the teacup falls without Remus realizing it because at some point. Remus threw it and now there are shards of ceramic everywhere, but he can't think about it, because for once, he's pissed.

"You think just sleeping with you once would have made me happy?" he's standing and he can barely breathe and if he wasn't a man, he'd be crying, "Merlin! I can't even…" he sputters a bit, "I - I told you I _loved_ you, and you think just screwing me would have made me content?" he reaches over without thinking and he grabs Sirius's long hair and he tries not to tug it all out, "I wanted you! I wanted you so bad I thought I could kill a man for you!"

"I know."

"I, I would have pulled any prank you wanted if it had gotten you to like me more." it was weaker than the thought of killing a man, but all the same, Remus couldn't help but spout out more nonsense, "I would have bought all the fire whiskey and butter beer you would have ever wanted."

"I know."

"If you knew then why'd you do it? Were you just curious about how it was with a man?"

"No, Merlin, I did it because I loved you, too!" The two go silent and stare at each other.

"Liar," Remus breathes, and Sirius stands. He walks closer to Remus and Remus takes a few steps back. He's almost to his small kitchen wall and he feels Deja vu.

"I was scared. I was scared of my mum and my family,"

"You had disowned your family by then." Remus challenges.

"I was afraid of how the guys would react." a pause, "How everyone would act. I was a kid, alright? I was scared shitless because I was in love with someone who wasn't just a man but a bloody werewolf, too! Do you know how frightening that is? I would be a bloody pouf! People would have ridiculed us both!" he stands now with his hands on either side of Remus's face and he's so close, Remus can smell the familiar scent of dog and man mixed.

"I didn't care."

"I know."

"Everyone could have made fun of me, but I wouldn't have cared if I had you." their faces are inches apart now, and they're breathing each others breath. Remus moves his foot and a piece of ceramic tea cup turns into dust.

"I wasn't strong like you."

"I wish you had been."

"Me too."

Words cease as either Sirius lunges for Remus or Remus pulls on Sirius, but neither care who did what because they kiss like mad.

"_My Honey I know, I know  
>With the dark<br>That you'll be gone_"

Remus decides shortly after Sirius's demise that he wants no reminder of their less than innocent relationship. It kills him to a point where he can barely breathe, because life is really a terrible mistress. So he takes one night to pull each moment that was less than pure out of his brain and into several vials. He thinks of destroying them, but doesn't have the heart to.

Sometimes he thinks of going to Grimmauld Place once, maybe twice, just to see if he can detect where his scent was, and where Sirius's would be, and if the two scents would be intertwined at times when they were together most. Like in the bedroom where Sirius's wall was defaced with posters of muggle girls, or in the sitting room where they'd drink tea and laugh like they were 7th years at Hogwarts.

Remus does it once or twice - revisits, that is - but what he finds instead is the harsh reality of having really lost the person he first loved.

One night, just for old time sakes, Remus puts a randonm moment into the Pensieve and dips his head into the cool liquid. It's the night of their reunion. They lay naked in bed, both incredibly embarrassed, yet smiling like idiots.

"_I lied when I said I did it with a man before."_

"_I know."_

"_You were my first."_

"_I know." Remus turns his head briefly to look at Sirius who gives him a cheeky grin._

"_Bastard." Sirius reaches out his hand and brushes away the strands of brown hair littered with gray. He smiles._

"_For the first time in a while, I feel happy."_

"_Me too." Remus replies and Sirius kisses him again. "I might still be a pouf for you."_

"_Good. I'd be disappointed if you shagged me and left me here to be a pile of sad goop." Remus fights down the urge to fight him with a 'oh like you did to me?' and instead, snuggles by him. "I really might love you, Moony."_

"_Don't leave me again."_

"_Never."_

It's always at this point that Remus pulls out of the Pensieve because his chest ends up hurting, and he almost always considers getting rid of these memories for good. "Liar." he mutters, but there is no bite. He sits back in his shitty chair and sips his tea out of a shitty chipped cup, as the light of the crescent moon tickles his skin.

And he sits alone with a cup of tea and a bottle of memories of a man that was finally his.

"_Tonight  
>You belong to me<em>

_Just a little old me."_

_**End**_


	2. I Think I Need a New Heart

**A/N-** Based on Magnetic Fields "I think I Need a New Heart"

**I Think I need a New Heart**

"_Time stands still  
><em>_All I can feel is the time standing still  
><em>_As You put down your keys  
><em>_And say "Don't call me please"  
><em>_As the Radio plays:  
><em>

"_I think I need a new Heart""_

Sirius stared at his tea with a frown.

From the kitchen, he could hear food frying. Remus was in there, cooking up some kind of lunch to go along with the black tea he had poured. Sirius's favorite, perhaps due to the fact that it had his name in it. On most days, Sirius would be in the kitchen with his flat mate, constantly finding new ways to bug him.

But today, Remus was angry.

It was Sirius's fault, of course, because Remus almost never got mad, let alone _angry_. It sort of worried Sirius if he could be honest. Then again, he couldn't really blame the other man too much. If Sirius were normal, he'd understand. If Sirius were normal, he wouldn't have done it. Though Sirius was not normal, because he had been raised by a family who didn't believe in the norm.

The kitchen door swung open as Remus came into the small, slightly beaten dining room. He set down the tray with eggs topped with tomatoes, potatoes, and a side of black pudding. Sirius looked at him, though Remus was not looking back. "Thanks, Moony."

"Mm," Remus replied as he sat down. He was pouting and Sirius frowned again. He reached forward and grabbed his plate and Remus took his own. Their hands brushed as they grabbed their meals and Remus recoiled. Sirius winced.

"Moony," Remus took his napkin and set it in his lap as he grabbed his fork and knife, "look at me." the fork and knife clattered on the plate and Remus did as asked, though his gaze was cold.

"What do you want from me?"

"I don't want you to be mad at me."

"Well maybe you shouldn't have shagged that girl." Sirius winced again as Remus stared him down. They were silent. Remus picked up his utensils and started to cut his eggs. Sirius tried to find something else to say, but came up blank. He grabbed his fork and stabbed it into the egg. Some of the goop slid out.

Remus began to cry, startling Sirius, because he'd never seen Remus cry before. The other man covered his face with his large, scarred hands, and Sirius stayed stationed. "Moony?" he asked, and there was fear in it.

"Why can't I be enough for you?" Remus asked, his voice was strangled. Sirius put his hands in his lap and he was quite sure he looked like his ten year old self before he went to Hogwarts. Sad and guilty.

"You are," he murmured, but this only got Remus to choke on his own spit.

"Then why… these birds…" Remus sniffed again, "If it happened once, maybe it'd be… but it's all the time." his shoulders trembled, "You bring them _here_ into _our_ home! On our _bed._" Sirius lowered his head. He knew it was stupid, he knew it would hurt Remus, yet he couldn't help but do it sometimes. He looked so cute with a face that looked ready to cry, though Remus had never gotten _angry_ over it. Not like now. "I hate the smell of their perfumes. It's everywhere, suffocating me."

Sirius didn't reply, because he had no good response. He was raised in a home of trysts and love affairs. Lies and deceit. He thought he could get away from it, but it was like that sort of love code was engrained in his skin and he couldn't pick it off. It wasn't like he wanted to hurt Remus, but at the same time he did. Women were something he needed, but Remus was too. Sirius knew it had hurt his mate, but all the same, he couldn't stop himself from doing it. It was like an addiction, and Remus had never said anything.

"You told me when we first got together that you didn't care if I got with birds still."

"Well I was 15 then and fancied myself strong." Remus looked up now, his eyes red. "I'm not strong like that anymore. You've worn me out. I thought," Remus smiled at this point, but it was a cold one. There was no warmth, "I thought when you asked me to move in with you, it meant that you loved me too, but I guess I'm a ruddy idiot."

"I do," Sirius replied without the slightest hesitation, and Remus laughed again, "I love you, Moony." he sighed, "You should have just _told_ me it bothered you. I'm not a bleeding mind reader now, am I?" Remus stared back at him as if Sirius had just shit out a unicorn. Slowly, he shook his head and closed his eyes. He seemed to be breathing deeply, and finally he stood. "Moony?" Slowly, Remus opened his eyes and looked at Sirius.

"Most people don't need to say such a thing to their lover." he ran a hand through brown hair where a few strands of grey were beginning to spring up. He turned and marched towards the door that led to the flats backyard.

"Moony? Where are you going? Rem? Remus?"

"I need to leave for a while, Sirius, or else I might really hit you."

"Sounds bad,"

"It is." and with that, the door shut, and Sirius was left with cold runny eggs.

"_You've lied too  
><em>_But it's assumed that I can't tell the truth  
><em>_Cuz it all comes out wrong  
><em>_Unless I put it in a song  
><em>_So the radio plays:  
><em>"_I think I need a new heart"  
><em>_Just for you"_

"You really are an idiot, you know that, Padfoot?" Sirius blinked at James statement as he opened and closed his pack of cigarettes. Nasty habit it was, and one Sirius just couldn't find the time to quit. The two men sat out on the porch of James and Lilly's home. Freshly moved in and happy. Newly married, even.

"Well, I am insulted Monsieur Prongs!" Sirius replied as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. James made quick work to leap over and cover Sirius's mouth.

"Do. Not. Wake. Lilly." It was said slowly and Sirius made quick work of licking James's hand. James recoiled, said a particularly colorful word, and wiped his hands on his pants. Still, James was smiling that crocked grin that Sirius had always loved.

"Now why am I an idiot exactly?" Sirius questioned. James looked at Sirius from the top of his glasses before he sighed and shook his head. He sat down and rubbed his temple.

"You want to ask Moony to move in with you. You don't see a problem with this?" Sirius tapped his pack against the wicker chair he sat in before he considered it packed tightly enough and opened it. He pulled out a cig a shrugged.

"No, not particularly. You're gone, I'm lonely, Remus lives in a shitty place, I want him to live with me."

"Well, what are you going to do about girls you bring back?"

"I don't know, bring them back?"

"That's not funny, Sirius."

"I wasn't being funny. I was just stating what I'd do."

"That would really hurt Remus though, wouldn't it?" Sirius looked at James in confusion. His cigarette was about to be lit. He flicked on the lighter and lit the end of his cigarette. Smoke began to billow out. "You two are shagging, aren't you?" Sirius nearly choked on the smoke in his throat, but coughed instead. He looked at James wide eyed.

"You knew?" James shrugged.

"Not too hard to figure out with the way you look at each other." Sirius frowned, "And the way he looks at you when you got a girl with you." Sirius almost felt guilty at this.

"How long did you know?" he asked to deter the question.

"Since 7th year." James answered and then, with a bashful look, "Actually, I'm not so brilliant. I almost walked in on you two one day after quidditch practice." James's face was a little red, and Sirius's own almost lit up. "Still, I was being honest when I was talking about Moony's face. It's ruddy terrible to look at. Makes me feel miserable myself."

"I know," Sirius agreed, because there was no room to disagree on that. Remus _did_ look miserable when Sirius talked about women.

"Why are you doing that then? If you don't like him, don't lead him on anymore. You guys can still be mates if you want just not, you know, the _other_ kind of mates."

"I do like him."

"You don't act like it."

Sirius flicked the ash from his cigarette and James sighed.

"All I'm saying is, if you keep doing this, he's going to leave you."

"He told me it was fine if I got with birds still." Sirius defended, "If it starts to bother him, he'll tell me."

"And then?" James ventured, "Will you stop fooling around?"

Sirius seemed to consider this before saying, "Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

"_Cause I always say "I love you"  
><em>_When I mean "Turn off the lights"  
><em>_And I say "Let's run away"  
><em>_When I just mean "Just stay tonight"._

"Let's run away together, Moony." Remus looked at Sirius from behind his book. He sat by the fire in the Gryffindor common room and so far, no one had bothered him from his reading. No one but Sirius.

"Why would you like to run away?" Sirius shrugged as he leaned his elbows on the couch, his face not far from Remus's own.

"Seems like a good idea. Just you and me. We can have a wolf pack together, only, it'd just be two wolves." Remus looked around hurriedly to make sure there really was no one in the room. Sirius smiled as he watched Remus's anxious expression, and then it melted. He returned his gaze to Sirius.

"I wouldn't be much fun." he reasoned, "You'd have more fun with James." Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus's stomach, suddenly he was seeking warmth. Remus's sweater scratched him. He felt a bit tired. Then again, it was three in the morning.

"I would only need you, you know."

"Lying is not an attractive quality, you know." Sirius looked up to see Remus smiling, his amber orbs seemed to gleam against the reflection of the fires light.

"I'll always be attractive to you though, won't I?"

"Probably not." Sirius frowned, but realized quickly that Remus was joking, he was smiling. Sirius snuggled closer.

"Can we do it?" Sirius looked up at him now. Remus looked back at him, blushing. Even though it had been a year since the two had first gotten together, Remus still got embarrassed. Funny how he was the one who started it all. He was so cute, blushing and stuttering and promising that Sirius could date any girl he wanted, and all he had to do was screw Remus once. After they had done it, Sirius had discovered that his Marauder pal was really too cute, and a number of repeated events would have to happen, until Sirius eventually concluded that they should really just date.

Sirius's hand began to draw circles against the skin on Remus's stomach. He felt the other boy twitch. "Y-you want to do it now?"

"Yeah." he heard Remus swallow.

"O-okay." Sirius grinned as he slithered his way on the couch and on top of Remus. "Wait - shouldn't we go upstairs?"

"Can't. Peter and James are snoring logs." Sirius bent down to kiss Remus's forehead. He had the most frazzled, embarrassed look on his face. It was terribly adorable and Sirius wanted to devour Remus for that split moment in time.

"But… but someone could come down!"

"If we turn off the fireplace, they won't see." he flicked his wand at the flame and it went out. The two were in utter darkness.

"B-but they could _hear_." Merlin, he even _sounded_ mortified! Sirius grinned.

"Then keep your voice down and they won't hear a thing, right?" his hand slid under the fabric of Remus's pants as he said this and Remus gasped in surprise. "Quiet now, Moony." he ordered in a whisper as his lips hovered a hairs breath away from Remus's. Remus whimpered in response and Sirius felt his own groin twitch. Remus really was as cute as a girl.

Sirius worked to slip off Remus's shirt with one hand as the other took turns between pumping Remus's member and sticking his fingers in a place Sirius never thought he'd ever stick his fingers. He trailed kissed up from Remus's collarbone to his ear and whispered, "Hey Remus, you'll blow me, right?" the other boy only nodded. Sirius went to kiss him on the mouth only to realize Remus was covering it with his hands.

Fucking. Adorable.

Sirius growled as he instead nipped at Remus's neck. "Never mind, fuck it. I want you to ride me instead, okay?" he heard a little moan from Remus, and decided to take it as a "yes". Sirius moved, pulling Remus up with him as the two switched places so Sirius was on his back instead. "I meant what I said before," Sirius informed as Remus tried to get himself comfortable.

"Huh?"

"I want to run away with you." he brought his hands to scarred, bony hips.

"Okay. We'll run away." Sirius guided the other boy down. He gasped and considered covering his own mouth. He covered it with Remus's and they swallowed each others sounds. They broke away for seconds, just to breathe.

"I love you," Sirius informed. He saw Remus's outline now as the 6th year boy once again covered his mouth. Sirius smiled. He ran his hand through Remus's hair, "You're mine,"

"_But the words you want to hear  
><em>_You will never hear from me  
><em>_I'll never say "Happy anniversary"  
><em>_I'll never stay to say, "Happy anniversary"_

It had been a whole six hours since Remus had left, and the sun had set. Sirius had grown anxious, so he made quick work to use his floo connection to get to James's home. Upon getting there, he had discovered that neither James nor Lilly had seen him. James had gave a knowing look and Sirius had deflected it with ease by muttering something about Peter's home and how he thought he remembered Remus saying something about that.

"Do you want some pudding?" Lilly had asked, "I can't stand the smell of it right now. I want it out of the house." her stomach had been swelling from her recent pregnancy declaration and her cravings, James had informed, had gone to the bizarre.

"_I hate the smell of their perfumes, it's everywhere. Suffocating me."_ Sirius wondered if the cases were similar in terms of scent, but then he remembered rather quickly that Lilly was pregnant and Remus was not. Still, the idea bothered him.

He agreed to take it for the sake of leaving as quickly as possible. When he arrived back at the flat, Remus was just walking through the door. He looked white as a sheet and he seemed to be more upset than when he left. "Jesus, Moony, where have you been? It's been hours!" Remus merely looked at him, and Sirius felt his mouth close tight. "I have pudding."

Remus shook his head and walked right past him and into the kitchen. Sirius heard shuffling go around in there and soon enough, he could hear the kettle on the stove. He walked in to see Remus's back to him, and his broad shoulders were shaking. Sirius stopped at the doorway, "Moony?" the body froze. "Moony, are you crying?" he walked closer to the figure and Remus stiffened. "Moony?"

"Just shut up, Padfoot!" Remus looked back at Sirius, his face red and white and blotchy, his eyes a bit puffy and red. He looked terrible, and Sirius's stomach dropped.

"Are you… are you all _that_ upset over it? Over what we talked about today?" Remus looked back at the kettle. "Moony, Moony, look at me." he got closer to his lover, just a few feet apart, and that's when he smelt it.

Ever since he had mastered his animagus, Sirius's senses had increased two-fold. Now he could smell the scent of a man on Remus, and this is where Sirius's blood ran cold, "Who was he?" He could see Remus smile, but it looked more broken than anything.

"I thought-" Remus's voice cracked. He swallowed and tried to contain himself before he started again, "I just thought that if I… if I did what _you_ do, maybe you'd-" he closed his eyes and he started his careful breathing, "I hated it. That's the worst part. I hated every minute of it. His hands and…" he shook his head before he finally opened his eyes and looked back at the kettle. Sirius looked to his feet. "I thought I'd get a bird, but I knew you wouldn't care."

It was true. He wouldn't have. Not nearly as much.

A red hot feeling began to build inside Sirius. He lurched forward and grasped Remus by the collar. He shoved him against the stove, careful not to let his sweater catch the flame. "Why would you fucking do that?" he stopped himself. He knew why, "I mean, why? Why would you let him come in you? The place where _I_ am - where only _I've_ been!"

"How did you think _I_ felt, Sirius?" Remus snapped back, and Sirius could tell again that Remus was angry now, "You put in me what you put in countless women, don't you? I loathe it!" Sirius's grip tightened, "Those women, those filthy women - I just wanted you to know how it felt! I hated every minute of it, but I thought that if it made you feel like how I do just _once_." he voice broke, the kettle screamed, and Sirius's arm hung limp at his side.

Of course, he had thought of how Remus must have felt about his trysts, but the tables had never been turned on him, so as cold as it was, he never felt the need to care. "I hate his smell." Sirius finally said. "It makes me want to puke."

"Now you know how I feel." Remus replied weakly. He turned from Sirius and shifted the kettle to another plate on the stove. The two were quiet and Sirius was left to have his feelings fester.

"I'm sorry, Moony."

"_So I think I need a new heart_"

"You think that takes care of it?"

"Sorry?"

"You think I'll forgive you, just like that?" Sirius hung his head.

"_I think I need a new heart_"

"I hoped so."

"I can't ever trust you." Sirius, despite his better judgment, felt his throat tightened. He considered saying that he felt the same, but he knew the difference. Remus had done it for revenge, Sirius just did it to do it. Both were hurtful, but he couldn't help but realize that what he did was worse.

"What are you saying?" Remus began to poor the water into his teacup, but his hands were shaking.

"I don't know."

"Do you want to leave me?" Remus didn't answer. Sirius reached over and gripped the end of Remus's shirt. "Don't leave me."

"_I think I need a new heart"_

"I didn't say I would."

"You didn't say you wouldn't."

"I just want to go to bed." Sirius's grip tightened.

"Don't leave me Moony." His eyes began to water, and Sirius began to feel stupid, "_Please,_" Remus looked away, "I need you." "It doesn't look like it."

"_I think I need a new heart_"

"I love you."

"You don't act like it."

"I'm sorry!" Remus pulled away, and Sirius's grip was released. "Moony!" he felt panic, he reached for Remus's shoulder and tugged, the tea splashed Sirius's skin. It burnt like hell, but his grip didn't waver, "Please, Moony - Remus," Remus looked to the ground, "I get it now, I get it!" Remus looked him in the eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes." "Then prove it to me." Sirius looked back at him, mouth gaped. Remus gave his last tiny and pathetic smirk before getting Sirius's grip off of him. "You can't. You never will. You are Sirius Black. Womanizer. I'll always be Remus Lupin, who prefers literature." he shook his head, "I was naïve back then for thinking it'd ever be different. I'm a grownup now, and it's time I face the facts." he placed his now empty tea cup in the sink, "I'm going to bed." he made his way to the door.

"Remus!" the door was closing, Remus didn't stop, "Just… give me time? I can prove it to you, I promise." the door closed, and Sirius was left alone.

"_Give me time"_

_**End**_


End file.
